AMRIT
As I was sitting on a sheet on the ground outside the Gurdwara chanting Waheguru, waiting for the last amrit interview, I was high. My body was humming and my teeth were zinging from the energy pouring through me. Just before it was my time to go in to speak with the Panj Piyaare, I saw the face of a tigress. She was right up in my face, nose to nose. I recognized her from before; in meditation a couple of weeks earlier she'd called me "Singhni" three times and ripped my heart open with her claw. This time she gave me advice. I took it. And it was the most humbling, heart-opening experience of suddenly knowing how unspeakably deep my love for my Guru is. I'd never ever seen that depth before. The Love enveloped me and included everybody in it. There was no me and you, there was only love for my Guru, Love of God. I think at that moment I grew up. I stopped being a frightened child and became a Kaur. To have glimpsed even an iota of the all-encompassing compassion was the greatest blessing of my life so far. Waheguru! As I was repeating "Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!" after the Panj, I knew I was fulfilling a promise; I was fulfilling my destiny. Afterwards though I felt confused and tired and quite sad. After talking about it with a newfound friend I realized it was the nostalgia of letting go of blind innocence. Being naive was somehow my last defense against seeing the world for what it is. I guess I didn't think I could bear it. Now I know there's nothing to bear!
The road towards amrit has been challenging. Only after realizing that Khalsa is a value of the heart, was I ready to be truly called and accepted. I'm so blessed to have been guided, so blessed to have experienced this miracle in this physical body. Waheguru.
Thanks for sharing these blog posts. It's always nice to read other people's experiences and journey on this spiritual path.
ReplyDeleteI think we met briefly at the Gurdwara after the Amrit Sanchar, but I didn't associate you with your blog. No wonder you looked familiar :)
Congratulations on taking this giant step in your life. There will be times when you might feel stuck or in duality about your life and this spiritual practice. Make sure you take the support of your Khalsa brothers and sisters and go to the Guru for assistance. :)
Waheguruji! Thank you! :) Yes, we did greet each other in the Gurdwara. This path demands everything from me and I wouldn't have it any other way. Because in that, it also gives everything. We are so blessed to live in this age where we have global sangat to turn to for support and upliftment! :)
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